I Stepped in Dogshit Today

Yup. The title says it all. I stepped in dogshit today. I was walking into the bank, fumbling with my keys and then the ground suddenly felt mushy. They're ought to be a law about that. Oh wait, there is. Fucking assholes. I was disgusted....and angry. That's an interesting combination of emotions. Like when you're eating out at a restaurant and find a hair in your food. Or something worse. The only solace I can take from this experience is that I was wearing my old work shoes and not the white running shoes I bought last month. I know what I would have felt if that had happened: Disgust and rage. Fucking assholes.

Uninteresting

Wow, I really haven't blogged much in the last few weeks. To be honest with you, outside of my sister having a baby boy (which I blogged about....did you enjoy?), there hasn't been anything interesting to write about. It's not that I don't want to write something. I think the fact that I'm actually blogging about how uninteresting these last few weeks have been attests to that. It's just that I need something interesting to write about. Who wants to read anything uninteresting?
I've thought about a few things to blog about, then realized that while these events seem semi-interesting to me, they would likely bore the hell out of anyone who had the misfortune of reading about them. For example, the other day I took my winter jacket to the dry cleaners. They told me it would be 2 days. Then as I was leaving I remembered that I had a button that I wanted them to sew back on the jacket. The woman behind the counter told me that we had better make it 3 days. Is that interesting? Not really. It is a tad strange how it would take an extra day to sew a button back on. Not really blog-worthy material though.
Here's another example. I went to The Book Peddler the other day to get rid of a bunch of books which I am never going to read again. (To be honest with you, some of the books were ones I had started and had no intention of finishing.) One of the books was 'A Man in Full', by Tom Wolfe. (Really good book. And yes, I read the whole thing.) The woman working there refused to take it because it is unsellable. Apparently, people have been pawning this book off on her and nobody wants to buy it. So here I am, watching her check out all my books as she tries to determine how much store credit I am going to get (I would have preferred cash, but I just wanted to get rid of the damn things more than anything), and my eyes wander down to the book shelf beside the till. I am standing beside the fiction section, with the author's whose last name begin with W right there. I see all of the Tom Wolfe books she has. There isn't a single copy of 'A Man in Full'. Not one. Before I could say anything, I notice a copy of his book "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test', which I have been looking for for years. Years. So i walked out of there with over $20 in store credit and a book I've wanted for a long time. And 'A Man in Full'. Which is now back on my bookshelf.
Now is that an interesting story? Is it blog-worthy? I actually think it is. I should have blogged about it that very day now that I think about it.

Cohen

I am an uncle again. Wait, that sounds weird. I've been an uncle for almost 2 years now. What I should say is that the number of people who can call me Uncle Scott has doubled. I have a nephew. On Thursday October 1st my sister Rachel gave birth to Cohen Trevor Smith. He weighs 7 lbs, 9 oz, is healthy and is adorable. I love his name too. Rachel says she and Trevor got the idea from watching 'The O.C.'. Seth Cohen was constantly referred to by his last name and they thought it would sound good as a first name. And it does.

December 31st, 1969

Yesterday afternoon I had to add some more minutes to my phone. They expired on Saturday. Whoops. It happens every once in a while. I'm kinda careless like that with my phone. I always go to the Telus website, where I have a personal account and just add them with my credit card. So as I'm topping up the minutes I notice that my minutes were previously topped up on July 15th, 2009. Nothing strange about that. Sounds about right. I renewed them for 60 days. Then I see that the minutes are due to expire on December 31st, 1969. Which was odd. Because it's September of 2009. 1969 was 40 years ago. 1969, when talking on the phone meant dialing and being anchored to the phone by a chord. 1969, when every phone made the exact same ringing sound. 1969, when you couldn't set your phone to vibrate, couldn't text, couldn't take pictures, couldn't really do anything besides talking on the damn thing. Three thoughts entered my head:

1. That is seriously fucked up. That can not be right.
2. How is that even possible? I'm pretty sure cell phones weren't around back in the '60's. In fact I am 100% sure they weren't.
3. I have travelled back in time and am not only in the 1960's, but in an alternate universe 1960's, one in which cell phones had been invented. Groovy.

I checked my account after and the mistake had been fixed. So all is well. But December 31st, 1969? Weird.

The Future of Law Enforcement

Have you recently seen a movie that you loved when you were a kid? One that you haven't seen since you were a kid? I'm watching Robocop right now. I loved that movie when I was a kid, and I haven't seen it since I was 10 or 11. I've learned 2 things tonight:

1. There is no way a 10 year old should be watching this. Lots of violence. Graphic violence.
2. It has aged horribly.

It was made in 1987 and it is set in the near future. Now, I'm not familiar with how far 'near' into the future the filmmakers set this movie, but it has been 22 years and there still aren't any Robocops out on the streets protecting and serving us.
Special effects were pretty primitive back then, but I didn't care. To a 10 year old, everything looked believable. It was so exciting. This was how the future was going to be after all. This movie was showing us the future of law enforcement.
As I watch it tonight, I find myself laughing at it. The cheesy effects. The bad dialogue. The 1980's-ness of it (apparently fashion stopped evolving after 1987). And Robocop himself. I can't believe they made 2 sequels to this. And yes, that means that there is officially a Robocop trilogy.
Anyway, enjoy this clip of Robocop beating the hell out of Red Forman.

Coach Dracula

I'm watching the Ti-Cats/Argos game and I have noticed that the Argo's head coach is one scary looking dude. He looks like Dracula. Seriously. The Argo's are now being coached by Count Dracula. This guy looks frightening. He's very thin and has jet black hair, slicked back. Just like Dracula. I haven't seen him smile once on the sidelines. Maybe he's trying to hide his fangs. Wow, who knew Dracula was into football?
I'm just kidding around. He's probably not a vampire. He's just scary looking. Besides, the sun is out. However, if this was a night game, I wouldn't be so sure.

0.4

I read a lot of music criticism. I'm always looking for something new, something interesting, something I haven't heard before. It's a great way to get exposed to new music. And I love music. I'll read about bands, have a listen for myself and then make up my own mind. I like to see if the reviewer's enthusiasm for a band matches my own. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Let's face it, seeking out new music on the radio is a total waste of time. Nowadays, every single band on every 'rock' station can be sorted into the following groups:
a) Bands that sound like Pearl Jam
b) Bands that sound like Metallica
c) Bands that sound like Radiohead (circa 1995)
d) Bands that sound like The Ramones
I'm serious. Turn on the radio and just listen. Each band you hear will fit into one of those categories. Only not as good. You're better off just listening to the bands I listed above. I go to Pitchfork.com alot. It's a great site for anyone looking for something different. I've found so much great music there, music I would never hear on the radio. Music that doesn't fit into any of the above categories.
Now, I'm not writing an endorsement here. That's not why I'm writing this. I do have some problems with what they do. You see, I have noticed a pattern with their reviews. And it applies to pretty much every artist. They rate albums out of 10.0. Now, I know critics have to apply a grade for a review, but I really dislike this system. I think it's the decimal which bothers me. If an album were rated a 6 or a 7, I think I would have a clearer idea of what the critic thought of the music. But a 6.1 or a 6.6? What is the difference? Know what I mean?
For an artist's debut album, they love it. It will get a great review. For the second album, a bit more critical, but still a solid rating. Every single album after that? Trashed. Not every time, but most of the time.
Take Weezer. I found a review of their album 'Make Believe'. Pitchfork gave it 0.4 out of 10. That's right, 0.4. Which seems a tad harsh. After reading that I could only deduct three things.
1) The writer clearly did not enjoy listening to this album. That much is obvious. Bad Weezer.
2) Even though it was given 0.4 out of 10, it was apparently better than a 0.3. Nice job Weezer.
3) However, the album was not good enough to be given a 0.5. I guess it was just missing something. Better luck next time Weezer.
Check the site out if you want. If you like Weezer, don't bother.

Twist Endings

Remember 'The Usual Suspects'? Great movie with that killer twist at the end. When I saw it my reaction was 'Wha..?' I knew I was gonna have to watch the whole movie one more time to see if it actually made sense, to see if everything fit. And it did. Movies like that reward multiple viewings. Since then I have seen a number of movies where surprises and shocking twists are promised (Don't leave before the end!! Who does that anyway?). The filmmakers try and pull the wool over our eyes. Sometimes it works. 'The Sixth Sense' was great. I had to watch it again. Sometimes it's unnecessary. 'Fight Club' is amazing. With a dumb twist which fortunately didn't ruin the entire movie. Sometimes it's obvious. 'The Prestige' didn't surprise me at all. I saw that one coming a mile away. Still a good movie. Sometimes it's just stupid. Try every M. Night Shamylan movie since 'The Sixth Sense'. (It's not just his endings that have gotten bad....everything preceding the ending is pretty much unwatchable.) It doesn't even have to be a movie. The final scene in the 3rd season of 'Lost' blew my mind.
Now, why am I on this subject? A few years ago I read a book called 'Shutter Island.' And it is coming to a theatre near you. I recently saw a trailer for it. It's been made by Martin Scorcese (Goodfellas....my favourite movie) and it stars Leonardo DiCaprio. It's about a search for a mysterious woman who has escaped from a mental hospital. The hospital is on an Alcatraz-like island in New England. And a storm is a-brewin'. It's a good read. It didn't take me long to read. I liked most of it. Until I got to the end. Guess what was waiting for me there? A twist ending!! An absolutely ridiculous twist which made me question the intelligence of every single character in the book. It was infuriating.
I am not going to spoil anything right here. That's not the kind of guy I am. Ask anyone who knows me. ("Scott? Oh, the tall blonde guy who never ruins movie endings. Yeah, I know him.") But I will say this. When you get to the end of the movie you will have one of these three reactions:
a) Oh please. Really!?
b) Gimme a break. In the real world something like this would never happen. Not. Ever.
c) Fuck off! That's it?? That's the twist?? Fuck this movie.
You've been warned. Prepare to be insensed. I'll still see it. Why? Scorcese, that's why.

It Came From Japan

This is amazing. Giant Hornets!! From Japan!! Giant hornets the size of your thumb!!! Why am I just finding out about these now? Man, these hornets are some ruthless motherfuckers. They can also spray poison that just may melt your flesh. Why haven't I seen some cheesy B-movie featuring these things? Someone has got to make this movie. It would probably be exactly like Alfred Hitchcock's 'The Birds', except instead of birds attacking everyone it would be giant hornets from Japan terrorizing every living thing in their path. Don't believe me? Watch this.

A 6 foot 3 Ray of Sunshine

My last blog was incredibly negative. So I offer you this. You see, I see something I enjoy and I get the urge to share it with everyone I know. That way, everyone gets something to smile about. Or they just think I enjoy some really weird shit. Anyway, that's just the kind of guy I am. I'm like a ray of sunshine, here to brighten everyone's gray little lives. A 6 foot 3 ray of sunshine. Bask away.

I hate my fridge

My fridge sucks. It's the worst. I hate it so much. Every time I look at it I say "I fucking hate you fridge". That's how much I hate it. It has a freezer that you can only access by opening the fridge door. The freezer may actually be worse than the fridge. Last week I had to thaw out the freezer because it was slowly turning into a giant piece of ice. Seriously. I can't even control the temperature in the freezer....because there is no way to control it. There is no dial. There is no gauge. The handle on the fridge is only half on. To open it I have to grab the top of the door and pull it open. Don't ask me how old it is. It is made by HotPoint. Ever heard of them? Me neither. I have never come across any appliance made by them. I checked them out on wikipedia and they were founded in 1911. Which means my fridge was probably made in 1912. Tonight I was in town and I drove by an old fridge on someone's front lawn. And that fridge was nicer than mine. I was so jealous.

Flight of the Airplane

So I'm driving around today searching for a decent song on the radio. Which can be difficult, because most stations playlists consist of songs that fall into 2 categories. The ones which I have heard thousands of times and never want to hear again. And the ones which are so bad that they actually infuriate me, leading to fits of road rage. (Not really, but you get the point.) But I found a good one on 105.3, so I settled there for a few minutes. (105.3 refers to itself as Cool FM. I don't think anyone would consider that to be a cool station. I don't anyway. But they refer to themselves as that. That's like me referring to myself as cool. And I am most certainly not.) After the song was over they played a commercial for a contest they were running called 'The Flight of the Conchords Weekend Giveaway.' During the commercial they had soundbites from the movie 'Airplane'. Why would they use clips from 'Airplane'? This makes no sense. I mean, I get why they did because the clips they used were of a stewardess giving instructions before a flight. So there is a connection there with the word flight. Buy why wouldn't they use clips from 'Flight of the Conchords'? It's a funny show. The only thing this commerical accomplished, besides confusing the hell out of me, was reminding people what a funny movie 'Airplane' is. And it is. It's hilarious. And so is Conchords. Enjoy.

Speak Up

I'm finally making my way through the last season of Battlestar Galactica. I'm not a huge sci-fi fan, but this show isn't typical science fiction. Or maybe it is. I should say that it's not the sci-fi that I'm used to. Battlestar isn't strictly about space battles, lasers, goofy looking aliens and shit blowin' up. (There are lots of space battles....but no goofy looking aliens. The bad guys are Cylons. I'm not going to explain who they are. Watch the show.) It's actually really interesting. And deep. Too deep sometimes. Stupid people who love space battles and shit blowin' up would definitely detest this show. Or they would fall asleep watching it. (By the way, I'm not hatin' on Star Wars here.....I love Star Wars.) I have one minor problem with the show. Admiral Adama, not the show's main character, but one of the main ones, is so hard to understand. I find that most of the time he barely speaks above a whisper. I always have to turn the volume up when he speaks. And he is the Admiral, so most of the stuff he says is kind of important. Even when he's mad he's hard to hear. I don't get it. It's really hindering my enjoyment of the show. But I still love it.

House of Flying Daggers

I'm loving this song. I listened to it 5 straight times today at the gym. This is some classic Wu-Tang. I loved the Wu-Tang Clan in high school. I still listen to 36 Chambers every now and then. It's actually a new Raekwon song, but it's got half of the remaining Clan members in it, so it's probably the closest thing we're ever gonna get. Hell, it's even got Inspektah Deck leading off. It's called 'House of Flying Daggers'. Enjoy.

Happy Now?

This heat is ridiculous. I don't know how much more i can take. It's totally kicking my ass. Any time i get up to do something it's like the heat says 'I don't think so Scotty. Lay back down and sweat some more.' Just the act of getting up and coming over here to the computer to type this is exhausting. Yesterday was awful. I drove over an hour to Tavistock to visit my sister and her husband without A/C in my car. (It hasn't worked for over a year now. When told how much it would cost to fix it, I declined and said to myself, 'No big deal. I'll just roll the window down.') I was drenched when I finally got there. I remember people complaing about the cool weather we had in June and July. Happy now? I'm exhausted. I'm gonna go lay down.

Go Gunners Go

Go Arsenal go. Seriously. Win something this year. Today is a big day. The English Premiership begins. It's a long, long season. I thought baseball had a long season, but the Premiership doesn't end until early May. I've been an Arsenal fan for a few years now. I believe it was the season after the 'Invincibles'. That was about 5 years ago. They went the entire season without losing a single match in the Premiership, something that had never been done. They didn't lose. They were 'invincible'. Get it? They were pretty 'effin good. Anyway, that was the last time they won the Premiership. I'm beginning to understand what Nick Hornby was going through in 'Fever Pitch'. He waited almost 20 years between Arsenal titles and the dry spell was messing with him. It's a great book. The movie is actually good too. Not the Jimmy Fallon/Boston Red Sox movie. I'm talking about the Colin Firth movie from '96 or '97. I searched high and low for it on DVD and finally found it for about $9. Well worth the search. Not that there's anything wrong with the Jimmy Fallon version. It's harmless. Anyway, I'm getting off topic. My main point? Go Gunners. Go.

J'Taime, Mon Homme!

Last night i rented "I Love You, Man." Very funny movie. See it. As I was leaving this morning to run some errands, I grabbed the DVD so I could return it and noticed something strange. In french "I Love You, Man" is translated to "J'Taime, mon homme!" (This is Canada. We are a bilingual nation. DVD's always have french and english on them. The french is usually in much smaller letters.)
The punctuation on the french translation confuses me. Very strange. Why is there an exclamation point in french, but not one in english? I don't understand. I'm going to now assume that french men are way more enthusiastic about expressing love for their male friends. And what about us english speaking men? Apparently we are more reserved. We keep it simple. Nothing too extravagant. Real casual. "Hey. I love you, man." That's it. Nothing to get excited about.

Totally Stupid

I can't believe its been 2 months since my last blog.....its been so long that i actually forgot my password and had to go through the long process of getting a new one....i wrote the new one down, so 2 months from now i won't have the same problem.
So my landlords have built a new garage at their house. It's very nice. It's a 2 car garage with one small problem. There is a tree in front of the garage, which is very odd. And when I say odd, I mean totally stupid. I have no idea what they were thinking. Me? I would have cut the tree down before building the garage. But what do i know? It is a very pretty tree though....I can't really fault them for leaving it there. I wouldn't have cut it down either. Anyway, who cares? I won't be parking my car in there this winter. Best of luck to them.

'He's not as good looking as you'

I was at the gym today. I decided today would be a good day for a run on the treadmill. I only run on the treadmill. Don't ask me why, but running on the treadmill is pain free, while running on the track or running outside gives me shin splints. They hurt like hell. That's a story for another time though. (Actually that's pretty much the entire story. Not really that interesting....but still, a tad strange I think.) When I was finished I went to the water fountain and some man told me that when he saw me he had to do a double take because he thought that I was his son.

'Oh yeah?', I said.
'Yeah, only he's not as good looking as you.'

Now I'm 99% certain that he wasn't hitting on me, but it was kind of uncomfortable. What is the appropriate response to a statement like that? Seriously? Do I say 'Thank you?' Or do I say 'Wow, I'm sorry your son is not as attractive as I am?' I had no idea how to respond to that, so I just smiled and walked to the track to cool off for a few minutes. Or until I was sure that he had left the gym. I wish people would think before they speak. Seriously.

Elway

The other day I was getting my snow tires off. I know late May is a little late to be finally getting them off, but I have a very good reason. I am lazy. Or I procrastinate. I'm not really sure. I was actually going to write this blog when I got home that day. That was 6 days ago. Anyway, while waiting I noticed some autographed pictures on the wall in the waiting room. There was one of Gordie Howe, back in his Red Wing days, charging down the ice with the puck. (FYI: Howe doesn't actually sign his name in his autographs. He signs 'Mr. Hockey.' instead of his name.) There was a picture of Eddie George, the Tennessee Titans running back, breaking tackles and leaving defenders in the dust. He didn't sign 'Mr. Football.' He just wrote his name. And finally there was a picture of John Elway, one of the greatest quarterbacks. Ever. Denver Bronco's #7. Two time Superbowl champion. And what was he doing in his picture? He was in a suit and tie, doing absolutely nothing. I thought this was very strange. Why wouldn't they get a picture of him throwing a touchdown? How about a picture of him raising the Lombardi trophy? Or how about that play in the Superbowl, when the 38 year old ran with the ball and got hit so hard he spun around like a helicopter. Nope. Just standing there. Doing nothing at all. Well, not nothing. He was smiling.

Perdus

So i was flipping through the channels the other night when i passed by the french language CBC....and Lost was on. Since it was on the french CBC, all of the voices were obviously dubbed en francais. I love Lost. It is easily my favourite show. The episode was almost over, so i thought "What the hell, i don't care if it's french, i'll watch the rest of it."

(If you haven't seen any episodes from this past season yet, and you do not want any of it spoiled, you should probably stop reading now....i'm going to discuss a particular scene which will cause great confusion to those unfamiliar with what happened. I could explain the context of the scene and why what was happening was happening and how it was even possibly happening....but even typing that last sentence kinda made my head hurt so I'm not even gonna attempt to.)

The scene i happened upon was when Jin was found floating on a piece of debris from the destroyed freighter....in 1988. (The freighter exploded in late 2004/early 2005.) He was discovered by a young Danielle Rousseau and her fellow French castaways. (If you ignored my previous warning about reading on....I told you so....When you finally get around to watching season 5, you'll understand....or maybe not.) Now even though Rousseau and the other french castaways were all speaking french, the CBC decided to dub the actor's voices. I could tell because it was a poor dub job....their voices didn't match their mouths. Does this make any sense? Anyone? Replacing french....with french? Really? I guess it really shouldn't bother me. I didn't understand a single thing they were saying. My french is awful.